Physiotherapy "The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks," a guy told his friend. "And did he?" asked the friend. "Yes," the first guy replied. "I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
Enquiry A woman, calling an Hospital, said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better." The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room 302." He said, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday." The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic! That's wonderful news!" The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!" She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn't tell me a word!"
Plumber A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did some repairs and after ten minutes handed the doctor a bill for £ 800. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
Pneumonia "Doctor," says the worried patient, "Are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of kidney failure." "Don't worry," says the doctor in an reassuring tone. "That won't happen with me as your doctor. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he'll die of pneumonia."
Problem Gas A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent." The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, they stink terribly." "Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
Invisible Man Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next please !
The four stages of illness are:
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Hearing Test A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time ." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply, move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness". Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
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