Maternity Call A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
At the Dentist A man and wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or any Anaesthetic because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman!”; said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is” The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
Billing A man was brought to the hospital, and taken quickly in for emergency surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy (nun), who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun persisted. "Just my sister in New York," he volunteered. "But she's a nun , is poor and is not married." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not “unmarried”! They are married to God." "Really? How Wonderful." said Smith. "In that case, you can send the bill to my brother-in-law!"
Mix Up A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he's perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed. "Son, there's been a bit of a mix-up," admits the surgeon. "I'm afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis." What!" gasps the patient. "You mean I'll never experience another erection?" "Oh, you might," the surgeon reassures him. "Just not yours."
Insomnia A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Sex Warning An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. He goes to his doctor for a check up a couple of weeks before the wedding date. The doctor looks him over and says, "Bill, you seem completely healthy but I must tell you one thing." "What's that?", asks the millionaire. "At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care it could be really deadly" the doctor replies. Bill thinks for a minute and then says, "What the hell, if she dies she dies."
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